You are in China. You have depression. You feel all alone. You want to check out. I don’t know who you are. But I know what you are going through, because I have been there. You may think nobody cares, but I care.
你在中國。你患有
抑郁癥。你感到
孤獨。你想要知道自己怎么了。我不知道你是誰。但是我知道你正在經(jīng)歷的一切,因為我曾經(jīng)也站在那個位置。你可能覺得沒有人在乎,但是我在乎。
On this year's World Suicide Prevention day (9/10), I wrote this poem for those...
在今年的世界預(yù)防
自殺日(9月10日),我為這些人寫下這首詩:
whose light’s dimmed by depression,
他們的心燈被抑郁癥的黑暗籠罩,
who feel so much pain and despair, and are ready to go,
他們的痛苦難以承受,準(zhǔn)備離開這個世界,
whose life hangs by a string and nobody knows.
他們命懸一線卻鮮為人知。
I hope this poem can bring you the strength to hang in there.
我希望這首詩可以給你支撐下去的力量。
It’s disappointing, when you look into the mirror every morning
當(dāng)清晨鏡中的你滿面愁容
It’s terrifying when you stand at the tip of a cliff with no space to back away
當(dāng)險峻崖邊的你回首途窮
It’s hopeless, lost in the ocean without the sight of the shore
當(dāng)絕望于滄海,渺渺無盡
It’s painful, when the music plays and the heart aches
當(dāng)沉浸于悲樂,難忍苦痛
It’s suffocating, when you try to breath but it feels like you are in a vacuum
恰如在真空中呼吸,徒勞無功
The rest is nothing, pulseless, numb
周遭——死寂、麻木、虛空
One day, you hear a voice in your head that tells you to end it all
“結(jié)束吧,結(jié)束吧!”一個聲音回響腦中
It’s scary at first
最初,最初,它是懼怕,是惶恐
Soon, the never ending pain makes the voice sound gentle
很快,很快,不止的痛令它溫柔而朦朧
You look inside
你瞅瞅你的心
Your soul has already rotted
那靈魂早已不再青蔥
You can be surrounded by people who love you
哪怕愛你的人們?nèi)耘c你相擁
But still feel totally alone
孤獨卻如附身,牢牢停駐
There’s only pain left, the undesirable pointless pain
痛苦是你唯一的感知,即使荒謬,即使令人忡忡
One day, you decide it's time to follow the voice
有一天,你決定隨著聲音,離去匆匆
There comes the plan
那個計劃,已經(jīng)蠢蠢欲動
You can’t think anymore
你不愿去想
You know it’s gonna hurt people around you
愛你的人會怎樣遍體鱗傷
You have said sorry to them in your head thousands of times
對不起,對不起——千遍萬遍,你歉意濃濃
For the pain you are going to cause them
卻也無法補償你走后他們的絕望傷痛
You wrestle with following the plan
你與你的計劃廝殺、掙扎
You call the suicide prevention hotline when the world is asleep
當(dāng)世界沉睡,你撥通自殺預(yù)防熱線的號碼
You are talking to a person on the other end about your life
你談起你的生活,對那個陌生的他
There’s not much to talk about
卻發(fā)現(xiàn)寥寥數(shù)語便結(jié)束對話
You just don’t get why you feel this way
你疑惑這樣的感受從何而來
That person makes you promise not to kill yourself
卻向他承諾了不會自殺
You say the words you know they want to hear
這一些,只是他們想要聽到的話
Only to find the voice in your head is louder
但你腦海的聲響卻一再變大
One day, you write a letter
這一日,你開始寫一封信
To people that you know who will want an answer
因為人們將會需要一個來自你的回答
You pick up the pen
拾起沉重的筆
There seems to be so much that you want to say
心中千萬思緒繁復(fù)如麻
But words don’t come
筆尖卻干澀地停下
You write while tears pour down your cheek:
一字一句,你的淚水滾落臉頰
“Sorry, I can’t do it any longer. I have depression. I am too sick to get well. I am sorry…”
“對不起,我不能再堅持。我抑郁了。對不起。我的生活再無法燦爛如霞……”
Strangely, some days you start to feel a bit better
莫名之中, 你偶爾感到些許歡欣
Knowing that you are going to rest in peace
你向往著將要到來的安然平靜
Other days, you feel nervous
Not knowing what’s after death
想著死后會是怎樣的情景
But you decide to gamble
放手一搏吧,還能怎樣
You are already burning in a living hell
你的世界早已入地獄般蒼涼、無情
The rest of the days, you see this world in slow motion
世界的慢動作填充著你的僅剩光陰
You frame the
smile of your friends in your head
你腦海鋪滿朋友們微笑的剪影
You take a snap shot with your eyes,
你用雙眸拍下的快照里
The corner of the road you turn every day as you pass by it
是每日途徑的那個轉(zhuǎn)角的風(fēng)景
You dance with your friends for the last time
朋友們,再跳一支舞吧
After your favorite song
隨著你最愛的那一首歌
You hug them as usual,
你擁抱他們一如平常
But tighter
卻不自覺地?fù)У酶o
You are saying goodbye
再見,再見——你這樣說著
But no one knows that you are saying goodbye…
卻無人知曉,無人聆聽
You are scared when the day comes
你對那一天的到來充滿恐懼
You’ve never been that scared
前所未有的那般恐懼
Your body is shaking because it still wants to live
你求生著的、顫栗著的身軀
But your mind is determined to destroy the demon that torments you
抵不過你堅定的反抗著的意志:不要折磨,遠(yuǎn)離殘酷
Taking your life is the only way to do that
死亡是唯一解決問題的光明之路
You affirm to the voice
你隨著這個聲音
And you close your eyes
你閉上你的眼睛
“I never imagined it would end this way
“從未料到我的生命將這樣結(jié)束
Goodbye, life”
永別,這就是我人生的結(jié)局”
Your body isn’t ready to go,
反抗著的你的身體
It fights back
它不愿離去,不愿停止呼吸
You wake up feeling disoriented and useless
你醒來,茫然無助,灰心喪氣
For a second time, you have to make a big life decision
那一刻,你必須做下那個決定
“To live”
“活下去”
I never knew I could come out of this
我從未預(yù)料到自己能從這樣的魔爪下逃離
Now every day is a given
而如今,我視每一日珍貴如恩賜
I allow myself to be frustrated, sad, angry or broken at times
有時,有時,焦躁、難過、生氣,可這些都沒有關(guān)系
I am glad depression didn’t take me
因為抑郁未奪去我生命已令人欣喜
I am grateful to be able to smell, see, hear and feel
鼻靈、耳聰、目明,以及能感知的魂靈,我心懷感激
Life is a miracle
生命是個奇跡
My life is a miracle
我的生命是個奇跡
Please know that depression is a medical illness (go to Depression Causes session for more info). I got through it, and so will you! You can't promise that life won’t try to take you down, but you can promise your life to try battle it.
要知道抑郁癥是一種病癥,我已經(jīng)康復(fù)了,你也會的!你無法保證生活不會試圖擊垮你,但你可以保證你會用你的生命抗?fàn)幍降住?/div>